THE MEME FILES: CASE OF THE EX

Ok, I’m just going to put this out there. If seeing your ex having a hard time causes your jaw to drop with sheer glee like Chris Brown in this pic, or bust out a violent and unparalleled shoki… My dear, you’re not over it. Yeah, I said it. Keep on crying to your friends, seeing that therapist or eating that ice cream. Whatever you’ve been doing so far hasn’t done the job yet, so just keep at it.

We all know relationships don’t always end nicely. Whether romantic or not, cutting ties after investing time, emotions and resources cannot always be done tidily and filed neatly in a cabinet.

As much as we would like to sanitise the experience, pack it all up in a box and seal it with a nice label that says “Irreconcilable Differences”, we all know it isn’t always possible. Whether it’s anger, betrayal or disappointment, relationships can leave a vast range of negative emotions in their wake. I completely understand that so this is not a critique about feeling some kinda way after a break-up. Break-ups suck. It’s ok to sulk.

The problem starts when you put on your independent woman pencil skirt and the Gospel of Beyonce becomes your portion. “Single Ladies” and “Grown Woman” become the soundtrack to your life and “I don’t need a man” becomes your motto. All these things are great if, and only if, you don’t then go home to stalk dude’s Facebook, Twitter and Instagram in the hopes of finding even the tiniest setback to gloat over.

Whether it’s combing through his friends, likes and mentions with a microscope, just to prove that his new chick is not as hot as you or looking for signs of sadness to prove that his life has disintegrated in your absence, you know that shit is not healthy. I know Beyonce is brainwashing you through that iPod but you do realise she wrote and released those songs as a married woman, right? You’re aware? Just thought to point that out.

What does this have to do with Chris Brown spoiling mouth over some chicken? Well, in this case, pretty much everything. If you’re doing your thing and the relationship is really dead and buried, why would it give you joy to see your ex in pain? The only reason I can see for that is revenge. Revenge implies payback for a past wrong. Feeling wronged implies not being over it. Not being over it implies you need to read more of those self-help books on forgiveness, girl.

I once heard that the opposite of love isn’t hatred. It’s indifference. If you can still gloat over your ex’s pain, you’re far away from being indifferent. It might be something you need to work on.

So, over to you guys? Do you think you can be over a relationship without becoming totally indifferent to your ex? Sometimes people say they forgive but don’t forget. Is this healthy? Let me know in the comments section.

P.S. I know this article is super female-centric so before the Gender Warriors come at me, I would like to add this caveat: Men sulk and stalk too. I simply wrote this from the perspective I have seen more of and understand better as a result. All the Martians out there can feel very free to comment.